Not all those who wander are lost. And even those who wander not, might still be lost. Sure I do not deny, that the city has it's benifits, and that it can be a great place to live in. At times I have enjoyed the vibrancy of the town, the strange anonimity it brings, and the great pool of possibilities at any one time to be enjoyed. Often I feel quite jealous, of those around me who seem to be able to effortlesly flow within the city vibe, go to just the right parties, and mix with all those curious and eccentric individuals that one does find wandering within the labyrinth of stone.
Yet I feel a cannot. Am somehow not able to hit the right frequency, do the right thing, have the right mind to blend into that scene unnoticed, or well noticed, whatever is preferable at that specific moment.
So do I escape? Is that wisdom? Is that what I should do, need, and what will feed me most?
Where will this impending journey leed me, internaly? Surely it will not fix my city life, will not enforce the feeble bonds I've been forging here in the past few years.
Oh and I do feel a mental tremor as the reality of my departure starts to loom overhead more and more. And I will miss the life I live, I'm sure. The fourth sally to the great round world will not always be easy, comfortable, warm, satisfying or rewarding. I think I can grasp that. Maybe not enough, but it's there.
Recently I was reminded of the value of a Home. That that was one of the main causes for my latest landing here. The ability to be in a house, all alone, with a roof and a stove and the right to call it your space, and dicide all that goes on there. The peace of knowing that no one may bother you there, and that you don't owe anyone anything for being there (wow that's an illusion, as all is so connected, but never mind) really means much to me.
And now I'm about to give it all up again. While I do feel al lot of love (whatever that means) for the nearest and extended fammily around me. And I really do enjoy the work I do right now.
It will be weird no doubt, the day I walk away from it all, not knowing when I will return.
It shall be stange a good days after too, as I see the paralel lives of my resident companions veering away.
A deep sigh. A contemplative silence, and a blessing, from the late afternoon summer sun casting through the window of this funny old house. Only now do I really start to apriciate it again, for it's quirky ancientness. And perhaps that's exactly the motive for travel.
A new and widened Perspective, on Life.
